What can parents do?

Here is a recent interview I had with Dr. Kay on WCEM 1240 AM Cambridge, MD.  As a  bullying expert I shares helpful hints to parents concerning bullying and gives them solutions to stopping bullying in their child’s school.

We also discussed why a child becomes a bully, how to help a child if they are being targeted, and a number of healthy nurturing tips to raise a strong confident child who can walk away from an incident feeling good about themselves.  It is a proactive interview giving further insight into all aspects of bullying.

Click Here to hear the interview:

Remember I am hear for you if you are a parent, administrator or student who has questions on this important issue.  You can download my FREE Parents’ Guide to Bullying by clicking Here

If you need to contact me just click Here

Have a great day – Joe

Bullying Facts – The long-term impact of bullying

Welcome to another Joe the Biker video blog.  You have the option of reading the content of the blog or viewing it in a video format.

 

Parents have to realize the long-term impact that a person who has been targeted and traumatized by being bullied experiences.  If a child is not guided through the event and given positive nurturing they will have to learn to live with the anger and pain it created causing low-esteem and poor self image for the rest of their life.  Today I am going to talk about that long-term pain and anger and the challenge involved in overcoming it as adults.

I have great compassion for those who are still experiencing hatred and anger born from their experiences as a child when they found themselves targeted by bullies.  Anger is part of the healing process necessary for a person to be restored to a healthy state and be okay with themselves.  It was only after an accident in my thirties did I discover what had defined me as an adult was based on what I experienced as a child.  I believe we never can heal those scars totally but they can help us grow to gain greater understanding of our existence and reality.

The healing process from childhood trauma involves first experiencing anger, then moving forward with an understanding of human nature followed by forgiving those who hurt us.  One can eventually achieve an enlightened level of insight into the world we live in.  It gives us the ability to cope with the past knowing that like ourselves everyone is but the by-product of their experiences and the culmination of events that mold their perceptions.  This gives us the ability to accept others and their negative actions because they too are referencing that which defines them.

So many times we hold on to anger and never go forward.  “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burnt”. Buddha

Holding on anger creates a cancer in us that eats away at our very happiness.  Mauling it over in our consciousness only embedded it deeper into our core.  Since we are defined by the way we think consciously and subconsciously anger can be seated deep as a reference point in our behavior as a result.  We may not even realize its existence within us but unconsciously we refer to it in making decisions and how we treat others.  That is why some childhood victims become adult bullies – anger and revenge.

It is only when we become aware of our strengths and weaknesses do we learn self-love which gives us the ability to accept others just the way we find them with their strengths and weaknesses.   Knowing, like ourselves, they are but products of their life experiences.  That insight is an important part of healing.  We can forgive those who hurt us, because we understand that they, like us, are no more than human.  We never forget what they did but we don’t hold on to the anger associated with it.  After forgiveness one can pursue a normal life coping with the scars but being productive and maintaining healthy self-esteem and self-worth.

We are but humble servants with the purpose and mission of helping others.  Each of us possesses the power to change and the ability to help others.  When we take the initiative to use our energy in a positive way not only do we help others but it is cathartic.  With each act of kindness each of us contributes in a positive way to helping others which helps us.

We can all live a productive and successful life when we come to the awareness that we are here to help others on their journeys.  When our motive is personal fulfillment it becomes easier to move forward without any barriers.  By sharing and caring for others it fills the voids created by those horrific experiences.

As hard as it is to accept we are given an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others because of what we have experienced and want others to avoid.  I have learned that I am not by myself, not alone and there are others who can help me.  There are those close to me that I can share my pain with the knowledge that they will listen and try to understand.  Trauma can’t be erased but can be eased by sharing our feelings and emotions – it takes away some of the loneliness.

You have to want to heal to heal.  My only motivation for the last five years is to help children avoid the pain and help adults who have been victimized by the heartless behavior of others to heal so we may lead a happy, productive life.

Thanks for spending some time with me.  I always encourage feedback to my blogs and am willing to answer any questions you may have.  Just contact me at www.joethebiker.com and remember to download your Free Parents’ Guide to Bullying by

clicking here NOW

Bullying Facts – Why Children Become Bullies part 3

Thanks for joining me for another Joe The Biker video blog.  You have the option of viewing the video or reading the content.

 

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As I mentioned in my last video, children are usually not born bullies.  Bullying behavior is developed in the early stages of life.  There are four possible reasons why a child becomes a bully.

  1. Inappropriate discipline.
  2. Permissive aggressiveness.
  3. Relationship with primary caregiver.
  4. Temperament of a child.

The topics I am going to talk about today are the relationship with the primary caregiver and the temperament of a child.

First let’s talk about the relationship of a child with a parent or primary caregiver.

I have had the pleasure of fostering over 100 inner-city at risk youth over fourteen years.  It was a very informative experience and gave me some valuable insight into family dynamics.  Most of the children we fostered were between ages 13-20 and primarily came from families that had parental issues.  Those issues could involve a number of factors including substance abuse, sexual abuse, violence in the home or lack of parent nurturing and structure in their homes.  It all had to do with the unhealthy relationship with their primary caregiver that normally brought them to our home.

Today we see events that occur in homes that could impact a normal healthy parent-child relationship.  Sometimes circumstances such as a divorce, parents caught up in their jobs, contradictory approaches to discipline, indifference to child while the parents are focusing on other issues can lead to behavioral problems with a child that causes them to act out at school and possibly become a bully.  Finally there are cases where some parents, which is hard to believe, just don’t care about the child they brought into this world.  All of these are fertile grounds to develop a bully or a child who has violent tendencies.

A child needs a positive emotional relationship with their caregiver.  That exchange helps create a perspective for a child – a way to treat other people.  When they feel abandoned or emotionally separated from their parents or caregiver they look for ways to reach out to others or look for acceptance by their peers.  This is one of the major attractions for youth to join a gang or a group where they are recognized and feel they are a part of an extended family per say. At times they many want to take a leadership role in a group at school and target potential victims to booster their lack of self-esteem and build their status in the group.  They do negative things to get recognition – they become bullies.  Or they may follow a group and participate in bullying even if they are repulsed by the activity.  Belonging is a primal instinct – we all want to belong to a community and will go to great lengths to maintain our position within a group.

Another reason a child may become a bully is when they come from a home that has issues with anger.  They need to release that built up frustration by targeting victims and abusing them to vent their emotional pain especially if they come from a home where violent aggression is an accepted part of the household.

That is why parents need to be aware of the fragile emotional state of a child as they develop.  Parents need to be the supportive catalyst that guides a child through change and help them to understand a sometimes difficult reality.  Children are sensitive to changes in the home and if they are not getting support during those changes such as marital status, they become emotionally separated due to infrequent contact with their caregivers; they will most definitely looks for ways to vent.

As parents or caregivers you have an important role – be there for your child – help them – love them and let them know that they are always loved.  Just as importantly, show them that they can come to you with any problem they are experiencing.

The last reason a child can becomes a bully is the temperament they are born with.  This is an infrequent factor but a possibility.  Some children are wired to be a handful even when parents are good caring nurturers.  In these cases counseling and professional help is a necessity.
That’s it for today.  Thanks for spending time with me.  Remember I encourage feedback and comments on my blog.  I am happy to entertain questions about bullying.  You can always download my FREE Parents’ Guide to Bullying by

clicking here NOW

Why children become bullies (part 2)

Thanks again for joining me on another Joe the Biker blog titled “Bullying Facts – Why children become bullies part 2.”  You have the option of either reading the blog content or watching it as a video below.

As I mentioned in my last video blog children are not born bullies.  Bullying behavior is developed in the early stages of life.  There are four possible reasons why a child becomes a bully.

  1. Inappropriate discipline.
  2. Permissive aggressiveness.
  3. Relationship with primary caregiver.
  4. Temperament of a child.

The topic I am going to talk about today is permissive aggressiveness.

I remember presenting three performances as Joe the Biker at a school in Taunton, MA a couple of years ago.  It was an all day affair.  During one of my breaks the principal approach me and asked a favor.  He told me that a student after one of my performances called another a monkey which he considered to be inappropriate and wondered if I would talk to the student privately.

I agreed to his request.  After my last performance I headed down to the principal’s office to meet this sixth grade student.  He was a tall, slender young man named Jamal. The three of us took a seat.  I could tell by the principal’s face he was a little shocked at my approach as I asked Jamal a couple of pointed questions.

Jamal didn’t deny his rude comment and looked at us like “what’s the big deal”.  I asked how many brothers or sisters he had.  He came from a family of five and was the middle sibling.  I asked him if he and his brothers and sisters fought, yelled at each other or even called each other names.  He responded “of course we do” like it was a common reaction to siblings dealing with conflict in his family.  “What does your mother say went you guys argue or call each other names?”  He said “she yells at us and tells us to shut up and cut it out.”

We went on to talk about how name calling can hurt and how someone may take offense and consider it a personal attack which could seriously impact their well-being.  Jamal was basically a nice kid and understood what he did was inappropriate and felt he owed the other student an apology.  Jamal left understanding that what was okay at home was not appropriate in the school.

The principal and I had a conversation.  “Why we are shocked with Jamal’s behavior”, I commented.  “Even though Jamal has to take responsibility for his rude comment – to a degree he was just acting in a manner that was reinforced at his home.”

He loves his brothers and sisters but in their family atmosphere yelling and name calling was normal and an acceptable behavior.  His brothers and sisters took no personal offense unlike a school atmosphere where a student could be offended by being called a name.  Schools have to demand more appropriate social skills and can’t allow this type of behavior.

Jamal is a product of permissive aggressiveness.  It is hard for a young individual to shut off the home video when they come to school and so they slip into their normal behavior pattern.  Many times we try to show students a new more appropriate pattern when dealing with conflict but at the end of the day they go home and see the old video over and over again.  It’s reinforce and that is why it is so difficult to break.

Parents have a very important role in the development a child.  As a parent you are a teacher and your words, actions/reactions and approach to conflict is their foundation.  They will reference that resource each time they have to solve a problem.  If a parent yells and screams at their child – the child learns early on that this is an acceptable response well before they enter school for the first day.  If a parent argues with their spouse and their children – again the child learns that arguing is okay.  The worst of all scenarios is when parents act out their angry in violence or use passive aggressive behavior to solve conflict in the house.  The child learns to become a bully.

A child is like a sponge.  They absorb everything they hear, see, smell or feel from the time they are in their crib until the time tell go to school.  Parents have to realize their role in nurturing a child.  They are a child’s guide and teacher.  A child will always try to mimic a parent’s behavior.  Just think of it like this.  You are being recorded 247 by your children so how you act they will eventually act.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for spending time with me.  Remember I encourage feedback and comments on my blog.  I am happy to entertain questions about bullying.  You can always download my FREE Parents’ guide to bullying at my site www.joethebiker.com or by clicking

HERE NOW

Help a Stop to Bullying

Thanks for joining me for another Joe the Biker blog which can be read or viewed as a video blog.

So many of you  have told me how important my work is presenting my anti-bullying message in our schools as Joe the Biker and how it makes an important difference in the lives of our students.

Here is your opportunity to help.  The Yubbie Foundation is starting its Fall fund raising campaign to raise $150,000 to continue its 5th year mission throughout the United States giving students the tools they need to deal with bullying.

Our goal is to give 200 FREE performances to schools during the academic 2012-2013 school year, reaching many inner city schools whose budgets don’t allow for any extra.

Please visit our fund raising effort at: Indiegogo

Here our fund raising video:

 

Please go to the Indiegogo site to make your donation NOW

Thank you for your support to put a stop to bullying in our schools.   Remember we appreciate your feedback and comments.  Don’t forget your FREE Parents Guide to Bullying by clicking here NOW

Bullying Facts – Why children become bullies

Thanks again for joining me on another Joe the Biker blog titled “Bullying Facts – Why children become bullies.”  You have the option of either reading the blog content or watching it as a video below.

Bullying behavior is developed in the early stages of life.  There are four possible reasons why a child becomes a bully.

  1. Inappropriate discipline.
  2. Permissive aggressiveness.
  3. Relationship with primary caregiver.
  4. Temperament of a child.

The topic I am going to talk about today is inappropriate discipline.  I know this is a touchy subject with many parents because of many misconceived perceptions of its effectiveness.  Many parents use corporal punishment as a nurturing technique because they learned from their parents how to raise a child.  One practice is spanking.  It is embedded in many cultures as the proper way to discipline a child.  It can have deep ethic ties some believing that corporal punishment is necessary to properly rear a child.  The old saying “spare the rod and spoil the child” still resonates as a standard of parental nurturing that many believe has a biblical reference.  At first glance you might think that this approach to discipline has merit with ties even to spiritual beliefs system.  You would really have to research the Hebrew dictionary to discover that the word “rod” has several meanings and may be confused in its interpretation.

Being of Polish heritage I found myself at the end of my father’s razor sharpening strap many times as a child.  It was not one hit to get my attention but it was a barrage of swings leaving welts, bruises and red marks.  I am still haunted by those beatings.  I love my father and understand today that he was doing what he believed was best.   My father used the approach he learned from his father as a way to straighten us out.  It may also explain why I became a victim of bullying and later had to deal with low self-esteem issues in my adult life.

Research over decades in the fields of medicine, psychology, sociology and education keep reinforcing the fact that corporal punishment is not an effective way of disciplining a child and has a negative impact on a child development.  Yes spanking can be destructive.  It can create a bully or create a potential victim to bullying who is taught to succumb to violence and keep silent.  I only have time to explain a couple of reasons a parent should not spank.

  1. Children will always mimic the behavior of their parents.  They want to be like the person who cuddles them and gives them love.   A child who is spanked learns early in life that the way to respond to someone who is not doing what they wish or not living up to their perceived expectations can be corrected by hitting.  It also teaches them that it is all right for a bigger person to hit a smaller person in order to control their behavior.  You may be saying that you spank your child because you love them and feel you offset those episodes with the many times you tell your child you love them.  You might believe it outweighs the occasional physical discipline but trust me it doesn’t.  You could tell your child you love them 100 times but they will remember a spanking much longer than your accolade.  Spanking creates fear which can have a long-term impact.
  2. It can impact self-image.  A child develops self-image from how their parents perceived them.  Corporal punishment tells a child they are bad even if the words are not spoken and subconsciously resides in their mind impacting their self-worth. They get a confused message especially to a young child who doesn’t understand the reason for the punishment.
  3. Another consideration is the emotions involved around spanking a child.  If you get angry when you hit your child they become to realize that when they are angered – they can strike back.  You as a parent are a role model and your actions are the first lessons a child learns on how to deal with conflict.  Your behavior during correction demonstrates a foundation which they will build on in the future.
  4. Spanking creates fear in a child of authority which develops a barrier to a channel of communication.  When children fear their parents or consequences they learn to lie to avoid the potential physical pain.  Children are reluctant thereafter to communicate and express their intimate thoughts and emotions.  This becomes problematic in a child development and they may be hesitant to tell their parents they are being bullied or express their emotions around the subject.
  5. Spanking can also increase bad behavior.  A child thinks as a result of being spanked think they are not good and therefore continues to behave inappropriate satisfying their belief system.  We want to correct inappropriate behavior and at the same time having a child feel good about themselves.  We want them to feel remorse about their negative behavior but still think they are a person who has value.
  6. Spanking can lead to antisocial behavior including lying, cheating, stealing, bullying and hitting others.  We want our children to be healthy and be socially acceptable demonstrating a positive values and convictions.

Parents have a very important role in a child development.  As a parent you are a teacher and your words, actions and approach to conflict is their initial resource.  They will reference that resource each time they have to solve a problem.
That’s it for today.  Thanks for spending time with me.  Remember I encourage feedback and comments on my blog.  I am happy to entertain questions.  You can always download my FREE Parents’ Guide to Bullying at my site www.joethebiker.com or by

Clicking Here Now

Bullying Facts – Why bullying programs don’t stop bullying

Welcome to another bullying blog by Joe Wojcik a.k.a. Joe the Biker. Here are some bullying facts everyone should know. You can either read the content or view the video.

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As parents we worry about what is happening to our children at school.  We stay up nights wondering if our child is being bullied and how to approach the subject with them.  We are concerned that even when the school has an anti-bullying program and there are State laws guaranteeing the safety of their children at school they still get bullied.  Why?

Throughout our country over the last decade school districts have tried to introduce programs that claim to stop bullying.  The reality is that programs and laws do not stop the bullying, this we know from the multitude of articles in the media.

What is the “root cause” that creates a bully?  Children are not born bullies as I tell my student audiences.  There were no, na, het, nie, non, nu, zero, zip bullies in cribs.  We know that something happened between the time that a child is born to the time they first step onto  the school grounds that make them want to be mean or to control others.  It becomes necessary to look into children’s early development to identify the issues in their nurturing that cause this negative behavior.  I will talk specifically in my next blog video about the issues, types of home environments and events in a child’s life that create a bully.

Parents have to realize that their nurturing is a child’s foundation that initially develops a child’s belief system and emotional responses.  In some states individuals have to take a course and test to get a driver’s license – take a course and a test to get a license to possess a firearm but anyone can have a child.  Here in lies the problem.  Having fostered over 100 inner-city at risk teens over 14 years I have first hand insight into the “root cause”.  Some people are just not fit to raise children and shouldn’t have them.  We as a society are so concern about rights that we create our own problem.  Having the freedom to have children has created numerous issues for our society as demonstrated by the number of individuals incarcerated in our correctional facilities.

I don’t want to get any deeper but parents have to realize that we can’t stop bullying in our schools, at work, with spouses and with the elderly because we will always have individuals who developed negative behavior from their exposure to improper nurturing.  There are always exceptions to this rule but for the most part bullies are developed initially in their home.

Most parents nurture their children through osmosis.   We either continue to raise our child the way we were raised with the same emotional responses to external events in our lives or we because we disagreed with our parents methods chose to nurture them in the exact opposite way or some combination of both.   Just think about religion.  Most follow the doctrine they were exposed to as children giving little investigation into other philosophies – same as child rearing.  We chose the method we were exposed to when we were children.  We don’t educate adults to become healthy nurturing parents.  How do we change that?  It has to start as a part of our education system to have an accumulative effect.

It is therefore essential that parents take the responsibility to bully-proof their child because we can’t stop bullying in any school.  It will always exist.   At best parents can arm their children with the tools necessary to cope with the bully when they find themselves a target and provide the nurturing to reduce any chance of an emotional tragedy.  Parents have to bully-proof their children to protect them.

Parents have to:

  • Build self confidence in their children so they can walk away from the bully.
  • Build channels of communication with their children so they know what is happening in their daily lives.
  • Support and build character in their children so they are strong and have a healthy self-image.
  • Teach values of intervention, respect, and inclusiveness.

Thanks for spending time with me today.  Remember you can always download my FREE Parents’ Guide to Bullying” which will help you help your child.

CLICK HERE NOW

Bullying Facts – Signs your child may be bullied

“Do you worry about what is happening to your child at school? Do you stay up at night wondering if your child is being bullied?”

Today I am going to talk about possible signs that your child may be bullied.  You can either read the contents of this blog or watch this video.

 

Today I am going to talk about possible signs that your child may be bullied.  It is important to be able to detect subtle changes in your child’s behavior.  Some signs are obviously others may not be.  The earlier you can detect that something is wrong the greater the chance that you can prevent the situation from escalating.  More importantly you may be able to help them avoid an emotional trauma and any long-term irreparable damage in their emotional development.

What are some of the signs that you child could be bullied.

  1. Your child comes home with torn, dirty, or wet clothes or damaged books, or loses things without being able to give a proper explanation of what has happened.
  2. Your child has bruises, injuries, cuts, and scratches and cannot give a credible explanation for what caused them.
  3. Your child loses interest in school and gets poor grades.
  4. Your child becomes increasingly isolated, does not bring classmates home, and rarely discusses or spends time with classmates after school.
  5. Your child seems afraid or unwilling to go to school in the morning or has mysterious ailments that keep them from going to school.
  6. Your child chooses an illogical route to and from school.
  7. Your child seems unhappy, downhearted, depressed, or has mood swings with sudden outbursts of irritation or anger.
  8. Your child often has little appetite, headaches, or stomach aches.
  9. Your child sleeps restlessly, with nightmares, and possibly cries in his/her sleep.
  10. Your child steals or asks for extra money from members of the family.

Remember you are the parent, its your child, take the time and ask daily how things are going in their life.  Create a channel of communication where they feel free to share their feelings and emotions with you.  This will increase your ability to detect and take action to put a stop to bullying in their life.

Don’t forget to download the Free “Parents’ Guide to Bullying”

Click Here

We welcome your comments and feedback or questions you would like to have answered.  Please contact us at www.joethebiker.com

How to keep the channel of communications open

Good day and I congratulate you on your continued effort to help your child deal with bullying.  In an ongoing effort to put a stop to bullying in our schools here is an article that I believe you might be interested in reading.

You can either read the content of the blog below or view the blog video

 

Did you ever wonder what makes a child stop talking, or not tell you what is happening in their life, maybe stop eating properly, withdraw from the family, have difficulty sleeping or make excuses to avoid going to school?  These could be signs that your child is being bullied.

If you remember Mike’s story from my previous message, he too wondered how he found himself in his situation.  He loved his daughter yet she didn’t confide in him.  It was only after some of the signs listed about started to appear that he and his wife were moved to action and pursued a conversation with her.  Mike expressed frustration and wanted advice that would prevent this from happening again in the future.  He wanted to be proactive.

In a discussion with Mike, I discovered what we see today as a typical household atmosphere.  Mike was an executive who worked long hours.  He pretty much passed the responsibility of child rising to his wife.  He felt he was a good father.  He spent time on the weekends with his children, took them on vacation and made an attempt to give them everything they needed materially.   Admirable!

After a long day at work he just wanted to come home, sit back, watch a little TV and get ready for his next business day.  He decided to give his children everything he didn’t have as a child.  He wanted their lives to be different.

His wife was busy transporting the children to their extra outside activities, a chore which required chauffeuring them from activity to activity barely getting any time for herself after the children came home from school.  Does it sound like your life?

What was missing?  Where was the intimate conversation?  Was each child getting the individual attention they needed so each could share their daily life at school and what was happening in their lives? Was there time put aside to understand their daughter’s perception of the world around her?

Time!!!!  We live in a very fast paced, constantly changing world and it becomes incumbent upon parents to focus on priorities.  Parents have to decide on a life style that gives them the ability to sit one on one with their children.  Parents need to probe and allow their children the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.  There has to be an exchange.  It can’t be done while driving from baseball game to gym practice.  It has to be quiet time – intimate – with the scope of discovery.

Yes it’s important for children to be involved in extracurricular activities, get time to play video games, homework, to be on their own but there must be a balance.  There has to be time to allow a dialogue between parent and child in a private informal atmosphere.  It has to be one that encourages expression and the sharing of emotional reaction to events that are taking place in their lives.

The conversations are an important part of nurturing a child.  Children look for guidance, they need someone just to listen and they need to express their feelings.  It is something that needs to start early in a child’s life and continue as they develop.  It can become challenging to start the practice when a child starts to withdraw or react negatively to a tragic episode taking place in their life and as a parent wondering why your child doesn’t confide in you.

Mike and his wife changed their priorities and made it a point to start nightly private conversations with their daughter.  They were delighted on how their daughter eventually became receptive and was willing to share her most intimate thoughts.  They became stronger as a family unit.  They were now confident that their daughter would give them a constant update on her life experiences and they would be more capable of detecting subtle changes in her demeanor.

It is work to be a parent.  It takes time and effort to keep the channel of communication open with a child.  The value of this exchange is priceless.  Parents start to understand how complicated a child’s world is in the 21st century and they can keep their finger on the pulse of emotional reactions to growing up.

Here are a couple of suggestions that will help you improve the channel of communications with your child.

  • Sit and eat dinner together daily if possible with the intent of probing.
  • Take ten minutes at night daily before your child goes to bed and encourage a dialog.  Just doing a “check-in” for even a few minutes helps continuity.
  • Plan activities that encourage the opportunity to share thoughts, emotions and feelings.
  • Give each child individual attention and the opportunity to bond.
  • Read a book together

I suggest reading one of my books which might help your child develop great self-confidence and empathy towards the student who is being targeted by a bully or is the bully.  It helps bully-proof your child.

Call Me Yubbie – $12.95

A multi-layered young adult novel, Call Me Yubbie is written as a young man’s journal.  Starting in the summer after 4th grade, Joe, nicknamed Yubbie by the bullies at his school is abused physically and psychologically.   He was different – he was overweight.  Yubbie’s lack of self-confidence and inability to deal with his tormentors leads to journaling, and it is in his poignant telling of events and their effect on him along with his fantasizing that the reader is given real insight into the depth of his pain.

Yubbie never loses his weight but gains self-confidence – accepting himself – just the way he was and the understanding that it was the bullies who had the problem.  The nurturing he receives gives him the ability to deal with the fear of going to high school and the confidence to ward off the bullies in his life.

Call Me Yubbie helps young people:

  • Come to the awareness that they are perfect just the way they are.
  • Creates empathy towards those targeted by bullies.
  • Develop the understanding that it is the bully who has the problem.
  • Promotes increased self-confidence through discovering talents.
  • Put a stop to bullying in their school.

A book that will spark thought and engender real conversation, Call Me Yubbie is a must read for parents and educators as well as students between 9-14 years of age.  It can be also read to students of a younger age.  This is a book that will have positive impact on your child.

” A heart-wrenching,  poignant story, Call Me Yubbie illuminates the intense emotional experiences of a young boy’s trials of being bullied and his journey towards self acceptance.  A book to be absorbed and remembered by students, parents and educators, Call Me Yubbie is also a wonderful multi-layered tool for opening discussion of self-image and bullying with children.”

Eileen A. Messer, MEd, LMHC Senior Child Therapist Cutchin's Children'sinic

 BUY NOW

 

I hope this information helps.  I am here to help.  You can also contact me or arrange a consultation at www.joethebiker.com.  I encourage your feedback on the content of my blogs that you feel would better help me serve you or answer any questions you may have.

Bullying answers for Parents-How to deal with the school part 2

I congratulate you on your continued effort to help your child deal with bullying.  Here is an article that I believe will help you further.

 BULLYING – ANSWERS FOR PARENTS – HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SCHOOL (2)

You can either watch the blog as a video or read the content

 

If you remember Mike’s story from my first message, you will be happy to know that there was a positive turn of events in his situation.  Mike did contact the school with a calm and constructive approach to resolve the issue.  The school was very receptive and willing to arrange a meeting with him and his wife. 

As I recommended to Mike, on the day of the meeting he composed himself, brought in his notes pertaining to the bullying incidents and found the school willing to work with him as a team.  He was delighted with the results.  The school administrator was impressed with his attention to detail and addressed each incident with concern.  

They brought in the teacher that was involved and a healthy discussion ensued.  Collectively they identified the misconception of events.  The teacher’s perception of what happened was much different from what his daughter perceived.  This is often the case as Mike and I discussed prior to the meeting.  Many times adults look at an event employing life experience and logic.

Children in the developmental stages don’t filter information the same way.  What to an adult might be an innocent portrayal of a situation could in turn be a negative emotional experience to a child.  That is why it is important to look through the eyes of a child and attempt to ascertain exactly what they perceive.  We have to look through the lens they see life from as a matter of speaking. 

The school administrator hearing both sides of the story was able to understand how Mike’s daughter could have been impacted by the events that had unfolded.  Everyone agreed on the steps necessary to resolve the situation and the school was happy to keep an eye on his daughter to make sure she was safe at their school. 

Mike’s situation had a quick and relatively easy fix with the school.  This is not always the case.  As a parent you have to remember that it is your responsibility to make sure your child is safe and protected during school hours.  If you are not satisfied with the results in your discussion with the school administrators it’s incumbent on you to take it to the next level. 

Principals are accountable to the Superintendent of Schools.  This might be your next step.  Keeping in mind the same criteria of maintaining a calm but insistent profile, using your notes as a tool for discussion and contacting the Superintendent’s office with the goal of working together as a team is the next step.  Try to arrange a meeting and present your case. 

If you are not satisfied with the results remember that the Superintendent of Schools is accountable to the School Board of your community.  In most cases the Town Manager, Mayor or some elected official sits as the Chairman of the School Board.  Contact their office maintaining a calm and collective attitude.  Try and set up a meeting to discuss the matter.  Hopefully this will bring closure to your situation.  As a parent you have to be willing to do what it takes to protect your child. 

The final alternative is to pursue legal counsel.  There are a number of organizations that offer services and will help you with the matter. 

I hope this information helps.  Mike’s story continues.  It is not only important to resolve the matter with the school, it’s important as parents that we take initiative to bully-proof our children and give them the tools that will help them walk away from a bullying incident without any emotional trauma.  I’ll tell you in my future messages what Mike did to help his daughter become a stronger, more confident individual and have the ability to ward off further infringements on her right to a good education and to be safe at school.

We also have additional material that will help your child. 

A great read for your child is a multi-layered young adult novel, Call Me Yubbie  which is written as a young man’s journal.  Starting in the summer after 4th grade, Joe, nicknamed Yubbie by the bullies at his school is abused physically and psychologically.   He was different – he was overweight.  He suffered. 

 

Call Me Yubbie helps young people:

  • Come to the awareness that they are perfect just the way they are.
  • Create empathy towards those targeted by bullies.
  • Develop the understanding that it is the bully who has the problem.
  • Promote increased self-confidence through discovering talents.
  • Put a stop to bullying in their school.

 

A book that will spark thought and engender real conversation, Call Me Yubbie is a must read for parents and educators as well as students between 9-14 years of age.  It can be also read to students of a younger age.  This is a book that will have positive impact on your child. 

” A heart-wrenching,  poignant story, Call Me Yubbie illuminates the intense emotional experiences of a young boy’s trials of being bullied and his journey towards self acceptance.  A book to be absorbed and remembered by students, parents and educators, Call Me Yubbie is also a wonderful multi-layered tool for opening discussion of self-image and bullying with children.” 

Eileen A. Messer, MEd, LMHC Senior Child Therapist Cutchin’s Children’s Clinic

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