Bullying Facts – Why Children Become Bullies part 3

Thanks for joining me for another Joe The Biker video blog.  You have the option of viewing the video or reading the content.

 

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As I mentioned in my last video, children are usually not born bullies.  Bullying behavior is developed in the early stages of life.  There are four possible reasons why a child becomes a bully.

  1. Inappropriate discipline.
  2. Permissive aggressiveness.
  3. Relationship with primary caregiver.
  4. Temperament of a child.

The topics I am going to talk about today are the relationship with the primary caregiver and the temperament of a child.

First let’s talk about the relationship of a child with a parent or primary caregiver.

I have had the pleasure of fostering over 100 inner-city at risk youth over fourteen years.  It was a very informative experience and gave me some valuable insight into family dynamics.  Most of the children we fostered were between ages 13-20 and primarily came from families that had parental issues.  Those issues could involve a number of factors including substance abuse, sexual abuse, violence in the home or lack of parent nurturing and structure in their homes.  It all had to do with the unhealthy relationship with their primary caregiver that normally brought them to our home.

Today we see events that occur in homes that could impact a normal healthy parent-child relationship.  Sometimes circumstances such as a divorce, parents caught up in their jobs, contradictory approaches to discipline, indifference to child while the parents are focusing on other issues can lead to behavioral problems with a child that causes them to act out at school and possibly become a bully.  Finally there are cases where some parents, which is hard to believe, just don’t care about the child they brought into this world.  All of these are fertile grounds to develop a bully or a child who has violent tendencies.

A child needs a positive emotional relationship with their caregiver.  That exchange helps create a perspective for a child – a way to treat other people.  When they feel abandoned or emotionally separated from their parents or caregiver they look for ways to reach out to others or look for acceptance by their peers.  This is one of the major attractions for youth to join a gang or a group where they are recognized and feel they are a part of an extended family per say. At times they many want to take a leadership role in a group at school and target potential victims to booster their lack of self-esteem and build their status in the group.  They do negative things to get recognition – they become bullies.  Or they may follow a group and participate in bullying even if they are repulsed by the activity.  Belonging is a primal instinct – we all want to belong to a community and will go to great lengths to maintain our position within a group.

Another reason a child may become a bully is when they come from a home that has issues with anger.  They need to release that built up frustration by targeting victims and abusing them to vent their emotional pain especially if they come from a home where violent aggression is an accepted part of the household.

That is why parents need to be aware of the fragile emotional state of a child as they develop.  Parents need to be the supportive catalyst that guides a child through change and help them to understand a sometimes difficult reality.  Children are sensitive to changes in the home and if they are not getting support during those changes such as marital status, they become emotionally separated due to infrequent contact with their caregivers; they will most definitely looks for ways to vent.

As parents or caregivers you have an important role – be there for your child – help them – love them and let them know that they are always loved.  Just as importantly, show them that they can come to you with any problem they are experiencing.

The last reason a child can becomes a bully is the temperament they are born with.  This is an infrequent factor but a possibility.  Some children are wired to be a handful even when parents are good caring nurturers.  In these cases counseling and professional help is a necessity.
That’s it for today.  Thanks for spending time with me.  Remember I encourage feedback and comments on my blog.  I am happy to entertain questions about bullying.  You can always download my FREE Parents’ Guide to Bullying by

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